Can you remember a time when you felt like everything was going completely wrong? When, although, you may be smiling and looking ok on the outside, internally it was a bloody war zone?
On May 24, 2012 I lost my eldest brother, in the physical form. That piled right onto everything else that was seeming to be going wrong in my life at the time. I can easily call it the straw that broke the camel's back. I was in a daze for a while not ever seeming to get a grip on my life. How was I going to make it through? I mean, I was journeying on, but more so on auto pilot. I was there, but never present.
So much had changed and continued to change. I just wanted things to go back to how they use to be, when life was so much sweeter. Wanting to go back was my first problem. I was exhausted, mentally, physically, and spiritually. It's not that I ever questioned The Most High, like why my brother, us, or me? I knew everything happens for a reason. It was change I was ultimately battling and of course grief. I had to learn very quickly that change is the only thing that is constant in life. Instead of trying to fight it, I had to learn to flow with it. I continued to pray and just journey on. I prayed some more, cried (released), meditated, and began to dig deeper within myself.
Change came knocking at my door and I could no longer play as if I was not home. I couldn't be the same Kazayah. She was forever changed. However, I made the conscious decision to not let the events of life ruin me. Instead, I would allow it to strengthen me, teach me, and ultimately, watering me helping me to grow. I replayed again and again all the advice and knowledge that my brother shared with me. One of my last memories I have of my brother was him asking me, "why you playing around? Your super talented why you not out there doing yo' thing?..." I could only shrug. I had no answer...I’m doing it now big brother! I know you would be front row and center as one of my biggest supporters. So proud to see your little sister living out her dream.
Give thanks for the inspiration and courage!
"I need you to take me there, Ohhhh yes.
I need you take me there Ohhhhhh Yes!
Jah Jah guide my steps
Jah Jah Guide my steps."
I’m thankful for the Most High for taking me there, though the "mucky mucky" guiding my step.
When we dig deeper we will find The Most High dwelling there.
Blessed love!
Keep going, stay grounded, and hold di faith. <3
I want to say a special thank you to Hyper out of Brazil for the HeART-work (Artwork) for this project "Troddin'"
To me the picture above depicts the internal war that was going on inside of me. It also represents the spiritual warfare that is going on when we step outside our door each and everyday. The burning buildings represents the turmoil I was experiencing or the "downs" in life. The tank was life setting aim and firing only adding to destruction. The Barren tree was my soul, my inner being, thirsty and neglected. Oh but It's not over yet..Keep Troddin through and it will be so worth it.
If you haven't seen the first post be sure to check it out.
Preorder the Troddin' project featuring Addis Pablo at :
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